Sunday, May 01, 2005

Train Conversation Snippets 

Girl 1: "Would you do him if he were straight?"
Girl 2: "Hell yes! He's fine! But, he's gay..."
Girl 1: "I know!"
Guy 1: "He's not that fine."
Girl 2: "That's my problem - I meet all these fine guys and they're all gay!"
Guy 1: "I'm homo."
Girl 1: "We know."
Girl 2: "Why can't I meet any fine, straight guys?"
Me: "Pardon me. I have to ask a question here. You wanna meet a straight guy, yet you hang out with gay guys all the times."
3 Gay Guys at once: "Yep!"
Girl 2: "I know! I can't meet any straight men!"
Me: "Well...this is funny...maybe you should hang out where straight guys hang out, if you want to meet straight guys."
Guy 3: "Are you straight?"
Me: "Yes."
Guy 3: "Damn. Well if you ever want to experiment...(points to Guy 2)...he's available."
Me: "I'll keep that in mind, I guess."
Girl 2: "I still can't meet any straight guys!"
Me: (extends hand) Hi, nice to meet you."
Girl 2: "Nice to meet you too..."
Train: "This is Loyola."
Group: "This is our stop. Gotta go." (they exit)
Random Guy: "Always entertaining...drunk people."
Me: "Yep, just like Cosby said, they put a show in every car."
Random Guy: "She's confused, that's her problem."
Me: "Yep. Definitely confused."
Random Guy: "She'll figure it out though...or she'll just be frustrated for a long time..."
Train: "This is Jarvis."

Man: "I told you nooooo! I said no!!! no! no! no!!!!"
Man 2: "Oh boy. Here we go."
Me: "Yep."
Man 2: "I'm glad I haven't lost my mind. Close, but not yet."
Me: "Well, there's something anyway."
Man 1: "Noooo! Noooo! I said no! I don't....I can't... nooooo!" (shaking hands in the air furiously)
Me: "It's sad , really."
Man 2: "Yeah, but at least he can ride the train. The train doesn't discriminate."

Guy 2: "You want some wine?"
Random Guy: "I don't have a cup."
Guy 2: "Here, I have an extra. (pulls a sleve of styrofoam cups out of his bag)
Random Guy: "Man comes prepared."
Girl 2: "That's my wine."
Guy 1: "You haven't drank your glass yet."
Girl 2: "Oh yeah."
Random Guy: "Thanks."
(time passes, group gets off train)
Random Guy: (sipping wine) "This tastes like shit."
Random Guy 2: "Well, it was free wine from drunk college kids. What do you expect? Plus, it's white wine..."



I also don't get why straight girls hang out with us gay guys and complain about not having a straight boyfriend.

When straight girls hang around us (in public), nobody gets any action because all the gay guys think we're really straight and WITH the straight girl. All the straight guys think the girl is taken. Everybody loses!
The only possible way out of this madness is that we gay guys have gaydar. Thank God.

By Blogger K, at 9:26 AM  

Too funny! Next time I have to take a long train ride, I'm taking you with me.

By Blogger Beth, at 1:31 PM  

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