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Tuesday, August 24, 2004


When I die... 

...and have an autopsy done, please don't put my rib cage on my legs and please don't pull my scalp down over my face. That's right folks, yesterday afternoon, along with several of my colleagues, I was privileged to witness a complete autopsy. It is an experience that has left all of us changed in some pretty intense ways. I have seen the inside of a person, completely and unequivocally, and I have seen God. Hudd, I'd love to discuss this with you sometime in greater detail.

Warning! Anatomical details ahead!

As I suspected, the only part that really got to me was the initial incision. It's going to be a long time before I have chicken with skin on it folks. Once the skin and fat layers were peeled back, the rib cage and abdominal cavities were exposed. It amazes me how much we are really just meat. I understand vegetarians now on a whole new level. The smell was also something. The bone saw then came out and the rib cage was sawed away. That's when they sort of just tossed it on the feet. A rib cage. Which looks remarkably like a side of beef ribs you'd buy at the market. Tossed. On the feet. Don't do that to me. With it gone, the lungs and pericardium surrounding the heart were exposed. With a few swift slices of the scalpel, the esophagas and trachea were severed and the doctors lifted out all the internal organs in one fell swoop, all attached to each other by various tissues. And there you have it. The chest cavity. "Cavity" is a word which makes so much more sense now! Pooled in the bottom of it, around the spinal column, was all the blood that distended the skin of the back like a stretched out wine skin, coloring it a deep red. One doctor then spent their time dissecting the organs which was intensely fascinating while another began work on getting the cranium open and the brain out. The scalp was cut from ear to ear and peeled down over the face like a halloween mask. Again, please don't do that to me. There's something wrong with having your scalp covering your eyes and your hair bunched up all by your nose. The skull looked exactly like I thought it would, hard and somewhat yellow. The saw came out again and began work. Since the skull is so think, about 3/4" as I observed, it takes a while to get through. Bone dust has a very distinct odor. With a sizeable chunk removed, the brain was exposed, again, looking exactly as I thought it would with the exception of the blood vessels which were really interesting to watch as blood moved through them when the head was jostled. Severing the various nerves and parts of the spinal column, he simply tilted the head back and caught the brain as gravity did it's job. Then it went into a bucket, which was weird at first until I thought about it, and really, what else is it going to go into? (Monty Python reference ahead.) Brains also float in water. Apparently they float in your head too, in the cerebral fluid. Organs, including the brain, are slightly heavier than I expected them to be. The brain was the most interesting one to hold because of it's texture. I also found it interesting to hold the appendix, because I wanted to throw it to the floor and step on it repeatedly for causing me so much pain....twice! But then I remembered, it wasn't my appendix. Overall, it amazes me every time I think about this experience how incredibly fragile we are, while at the same time being superbly sturdy. We are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made. Should you ever find yourself in a place where you can watch one of these, I recommend you jump at the chance. You'll come away with a whole new understanding of life, on every level. I found myself wondering if this person's soul was sort of hovering around in the room eyeing the operation and finally exclaiming, "Oh! So that's what was wrong with me!" Actually, I imagine them to have been at their peace long before this took place, but it's still a fun thought. One of my goals for CPE was to become more comfortable with death, and now, I think I have made a huge leap towards that end.

-R

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