Mark down the day folks - Ryan has a positive experience to report back from CPE "group". It was so completely excellent, words can barely describe it, but I'll give it a go. So, we're in group and we're talking about prayer rituals for the dead, at the time of death. I mention that in the Episcopalian tradition, the prayer involves the line, "a sinner of your own redeeming" and how sometimes, I feel uncomfortable saying that line in the moment. I know that it is a truth, but it seems unhelpful to the family and loved ones surrounding that bedside. They don't want to necessarily hear that their loved one was a sinner at that time; though a rational thought and a truth, in that moment of grief, sorrow, and often despair, rationality is thrown right out the window. My supervisor (champion of feelings), agreed and said, "Yeah. I know. I mean I feel that but I don't always wanna hear about it or talk about it." I said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up there. What did you say? Repeat the last thing you just said." She began, "I said that I feel that but...oh no...you're totally going to use this against me." I laughed out loud!!! I said, "Absolutely!!" Some members of the group were slow on the uptake so I explained. Our supervisor just admitted that she has feelings she doesn't want to talk about. I said, "Right now - my feeling is vindication!" The entire experience changed my whole mood - I had been in a bad mood and then I was in a good mood. It was excellent.

On another note, Beal recently rightly pointed out that my "EveryDayFaith" has become "WheneverIFeelLikeItFaith". I do apologize for that. I know I have not been blogging with my regular consistency. CPE takes a lot out of you and I am exhausted at the end of the day and don't have the energy to blog sometimes. Plus, the excitement of the whole hospital experience has become more routine so I don't feel inclined to report every little thing anymore. For that I am sorry and I will try to do better so that those of you out there who have been feeling disenfranchised can recover.

-R