Monday, June 14, 2004
Mixed Emotions
Today is a day of confounded feelings. I will deliver the bad news first (because the first part of it is just odd) and then tell you the good news, so that I can leave you on happy notes. But before I do any of that - the day's CPE report.
This morning, my alarm clock did not go off and I awoke on my own steam at 7:37am. The first words out of my mouth were, "Oh, shit!" I was angry that I was going to be late and confused on why the alarm didn't ring. When I looked, I noted I had forgotten to set it. I think alarm clocks should set themselves on Monday mornings - I mean, honestly, you haven't set it all weekend and you're likely to forget! So, I rushed around like a mad man, tying the poorest half-windsor ever seen, jumped into the car without so much as a whiff of fresh brewed coffee. I arrived at LGH just in the nick of time for morning report, so I wasn't technically late, but I missed Morning Prayer (which
Michael and I have gotten into the habit of saying before work begins) and was completely frazzled for the beginning of the day. After morning report time, we were free to do as we wished until 1pm. The choices were actually two-fold: read some articles they gave us or go spend time on the wards to which we want to be assigned. My thinking: I can read at home. So, I tromped off to the ER where I met the Critical Care Chaplain, John, and spent the morning with him learning the ropes, debating finer points of ministry, and visiting some people. We had no codes during the morning, so we were lucky. After lunch, we got an intro into OB/Peds ministry from that unit's chaplain, Carol, and then we sat down to assign our groups. My supervisor began by asking, "Is there anyone that has a clear idea of what they think they want to do?" I raised my hand. She saw the hand, and, without acknowledging me to speak, just wrote my name down in Critical Care, chuckling to herself. An excellent start!
I also got an update on the 4 year old girl with the brain tumor - she survived the surgery, which took a ghastly 14 hours. Prognosis is still not good, however, so continue to keep her and her family in your prayers. I also visited the room of the man who had the code blue on Friday. His whole family was there, diligently by his bedside, and we chatted for a while. The man is still unresponsive and it does not look good. I spent some time with the family and assurred them I would let the Catholic priest know they requested his presence for their afternoon consultation with the Docs as to whether to continue the life support or not. Also keep them in your prayers.
Now, on to the bad news of the day. When I arrived home, I saw a screenname on my Instant Messenger list pop up which has been notably absent for some time. I clicked on it and sent a greeting of something like, "Long time no see!" This is a person whom I have never met, only spoken with on IM (we met in a chat room about a year ago one day when I was really bored). My message just sat there with no response for some time. Then, a brief message in reply, "This isn't (we'll call her) Mary." I expressed some surprise and asked where Mary was. After some wrangling, I finally got the story. A couple of weeks ago, Mary committed suicide by driving her car into the path of an oncoming semi, leaving behind a 2 year old little girl. I didn't know what to say then and I don't know what to feel now. Of course, this is awful, but I really didn't know the person except through a few IM conversations. I am conflicted. Should I feel sad, beyond the normal sadness as loss of human life? I don't know. Then, later today, I was talking to my friend Melanie who is working down at the Diocesan Summer Camp (I am jealous, by the way!) I worked there last summer and she was writing me to tell me how it was going. But, she had some sad news as well. Gordon, the Building and Grounds supervisor and just a stand-up guy, collapsed with a heart attack. He has survived, but has to go for surgery tomorrow, so please pray for him and his recovery. I told Mel to tell him that I would fly down immediately to challenge him in arm wrestling after he came out of surgery, because it would likely be my only opportunity to beat him (we have a standing challenge)! So, that's the bad news, now on to the happy news!
In the same conversation with Mel, she asked me if I remembered a particular camper from last year. I said, "Absolutely! The really, really smart elementary school kid with the Harvard shirt." She said that was the one and he asked her to tell me that he misses me and is sad I could not be there this year! That is the sweetest thing ever! I can't believe he remembers me! It completely made my night! She said he wasn't the only one, several campers were wondering about my absence. I completely wish that I could be there with them this year as well! It is so much fun at camp! I asked Mel if she would tell them that I miss them all too and wish I could be there, but that God really wants me at CPE this summer, and for Mel to explain to them what CPE was. This has really set me to beaming! And, if that is not enough, M comes home on Wednesday!!! Hooray! I work my second tag-along shift tomorrow from 5pm-12:30am, so it's another 16 hour day straight through from 8am tomorrow morning. Better get to sleeping...and dreaming...
-R
Today is a day of confounded feelings. I will deliver the bad news first (because the first part of it is just odd) and then tell you the good news, so that I can leave you on happy notes. But before I do any of that - the day's CPE report.
This morning, my alarm clock did not go off and I awoke on my own steam at 7:37am. The first words out of my mouth were, "Oh, shit!" I was angry that I was going to be late and confused on why the alarm didn't ring. When I looked, I noted I had forgotten to set it. I think alarm clocks should set themselves on Monday mornings - I mean, honestly, you haven't set it all weekend and you're likely to forget! So, I rushed around like a mad man, tying the poorest half-windsor ever seen, jumped into the car without so much as a whiff of fresh brewed coffee. I arrived at LGH just in the nick of time for morning report, so I wasn't technically late, but I missed Morning Prayer (which
Michael and I have gotten into the habit of saying before work begins) and was completely frazzled for the beginning of the day. After morning report time, we were free to do as we wished until 1pm. The choices were actually two-fold: read some articles they gave us or go spend time on the wards to which we want to be assigned. My thinking: I can read at home. So, I tromped off to the ER where I met the Critical Care Chaplain, John, and spent the morning with him learning the ropes, debating finer points of ministry, and visiting some people. We had no codes during the morning, so we were lucky. After lunch, we got an intro into OB/Peds ministry from that unit's chaplain, Carol, and then we sat down to assign our groups. My supervisor began by asking, "Is there anyone that has a clear idea of what they think they want to do?" I raised my hand. She saw the hand, and, without acknowledging me to speak, just wrote my name down in Critical Care, chuckling to herself. An excellent start!
I also got an update on the 4 year old girl with the brain tumor - she survived the surgery, which took a ghastly 14 hours. Prognosis is still not good, however, so continue to keep her and her family in your prayers. I also visited the room of the man who had the code blue on Friday. His whole family was there, diligently by his bedside, and we chatted for a while. The man is still unresponsive and it does not look good. I spent some time with the family and assurred them I would let the Catholic priest know they requested his presence for their afternoon consultation with the Docs as to whether to continue the life support or not. Also keep them in your prayers.
Now, on to the bad news of the day. When I arrived home, I saw a screenname on my Instant Messenger list pop up which has been notably absent for some time. I clicked on it and sent a greeting of something like, "Long time no see!" This is a person whom I have never met, only spoken with on IM (we met in a chat room about a year ago one day when I was really bored). My message just sat there with no response for some time. Then, a brief message in reply, "This isn't (we'll call her) Mary." I expressed some surprise and asked where Mary was. After some wrangling, I finally got the story. A couple of weeks ago, Mary committed suicide by driving her car into the path of an oncoming semi, leaving behind a 2 year old little girl. I didn't know what to say then and I don't know what to feel now. Of course, this is awful, but I really didn't know the person except through a few IM conversations. I am conflicted. Should I feel sad, beyond the normal sadness as loss of human life? I don't know. Then, later today, I was talking to my friend Melanie who is working down at the Diocesan Summer Camp (I am jealous, by the way!) I worked there last summer and she was writing me to tell me how it was going. But, she had some sad news as well. Gordon, the Building and Grounds supervisor and just a stand-up guy, collapsed with a heart attack. He has survived, but has to go for surgery tomorrow, so please pray for him and his recovery. I told Mel to tell him that I would fly down immediately to challenge him in arm wrestling after he came out of surgery, because it would likely be my only opportunity to beat him (we have a standing challenge)! So, that's the bad news, now on to the happy news!
In the same conversation with Mel, she asked me if I remembered a particular camper from last year. I said, "Absolutely! The really, really smart elementary school kid with the Harvard shirt." She said that was the one and he asked her to tell me that he misses me and is sad I could not be there this year! That is the sweetest thing ever! I can't believe he remembers me! It completely made my night! She said he wasn't the only one, several campers were wondering about my absence. I completely wish that I could be there with them this year as well! It is so much fun at camp! I asked Mel if she would tell them that I miss them all too and wish I could be there, but that God really wants me at CPE this summer, and for Mel to explain to them what CPE was. This has really set me to beaming! And, if that is not enough, M comes home on Wednesday!!! Hooray! I work my second tag-along shift tomorrow from 5pm-12:30am, so it's another 16 hour day straight through from 8am tomorrow morning. Better get to sleeping...and dreaming...
-R
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