Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Prayer and the Past
Tonight's prayer group meeting drug up a lot of old memories - memories that on the one hand I'd just as soon forget, and on the other hand, are important to recall my history. It was a really good prayer group meeting in that we felt comfortable enough to share somewhat difficult memories. I looked back on the days of my first year in high school and recalled the darkness through which I wandered and stumbled. After returning home, I got out my poetry notebook and read the titles of my poems, and, for the first time, was able to step outside myself and see them in a new light. They are a place marker for where I stopped along the road in adolescence to the present. The first three poems I ever wrote are telling enough: Armageddon presents an end-time scenario to the reader wherein the reader hears arguments made by both Jesus and Satan and then is given the choice which to choose for eternity. Possessed is a poem about Satan taking over the life of the author, (in this case, me) in a very real and tangible way. I don't recall ever feeling that way so much tangibly as metaphorically. The third poem, Crucifix was about how Jesus suffered and died for our sins. All three are really, pretty awful writing, and I've made them sound too good here, but they are so telling! I really did feel presented with that choice. Who offeres me what? Do I seek the strong or the meek? What is in each of them? For a while I sought the strong. Now, thankfully, I have found my strength in meekness. So, my prayer then tonight, is that I would never forget that past, never forget the road I traveled to arrive where I am today. I pray for the others in my group who shared similar stories of a time of doubt and/or pain.
Scripture is so evocative! I am still awe-struck by the Word I heard the other day, about which I wrote, where God says he has much more to tell me, but that I cannot bear it just yet. I give you thanks God, for recognizing that weakness in me, and for being patient with me as I try to be patient with my learning. You've given me the choice, and I have chosen you. I praise you. I bless you. I give thanks to you, O Lord, my God.
-R
Tonight's prayer group meeting drug up a lot of old memories - memories that on the one hand I'd just as soon forget, and on the other hand, are important to recall my history. It was a really good prayer group meeting in that we felt comfortable enough to share somewhat difficult memories. I looked back on the days of my first year in high school and recalled the darkness through which I wandered and stumbled. After returning home, I got out my poetry notebook and read the titles of my poems, and, for the first time, was able to step outside myself and see them in a new light. They are a place marker for where I stopped along the road in adolescence to the present. The first three poems I ever wrote are telling enough: Armageddon presents an end-time scenario to the reader wherein the reader hears arguments made by both Jesus and Satan and then is given the choice which to choose for eternity. Possessed is a poem about Satan taking over the life of the author, (in this case, me) in a very real and tangible way. I don't recall ever feeling that way so much tangibly as metaphorically. The third poem, Crucifix was about how Jesus suffered and died for our sins. All three are really, pretty awful writing, and I've made them sound too good here, but they are so telling! I really did feel presented with that choice. Who offeres me what? Do I seek the strong or the meek? What is in each of them? For a while I sought the strong. Now, thankfully, I have found my strength in meekness. So, my prayer then tonight, is that I would never forget that past, never forget the road I traveled to arrive where I am today. I pray for the others in my group who shared similar stories of a time of doubt and/or pain.
Scripture is so evocative! I am still awe-struck by the Word I heard the other day, about which I wrote, where God says he has much more to tell me, but that I cannot bear it just yet. I give you thanks God, for recognizing that weakness in me, and for being patient with me as I try to be patient with my learning. You've given me the choice, and I have chosen you. I praise you. I bless you. I give thanks to you, O Lord, my God.
-R
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