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Sunday, November 09, 2003


Levels of Uncertainty

As I sit here tonight, I am thinking about three things, three levels of uncertainty. Two of these levels of uncertainty have gone up, while one goes down.

First, the easy one: Since I moved to this place they call the city of Chicago, not knowing hardly anyone, I have been uncertain about social outlets. I mean, let's face it, the people at the seminary are great, but they're not all the type to go downtown on a Friday night. And who could expect them to be, for the majority, they are much older than I, and most have kids to take care of. But, now, my social future keeps getting better. With Jives moving to town, I now have two college buddies in the area. Last night I was out with everyone and had a blast; tonight Mitch and Denise, Ives, and I went out for dinner then came back here and watched a film. It was good fun! Friends are a great boon. I recall going through the same feelings my freshman year at Wake, in similar situations, not knowing anyone hardly. Well, God provided then, he'll provide now, and evermore for our needs.

Two: The second level of uncertainty is going up, which is not cool. I have it on the authority of this fella thats there's trouble a-brewin' in New Hampshire. I checked out the story and it seems to match. But facts often get lost in the media, so I'm still open to discussion and other news reports - if anyone should find any, please pass them along. The current Bishop of New Hampshire, who will be ceding his mantle of authority to Gene Robinson soon, has defrocked a priest in his diocese for disagreeing with Robinson's consecration. That's dangerous stuff. I mean, honestly, should I just stop the process now and give up the thought, the dream, nay, the calling to be a priest? I disagree with the consecration. There, I said it. I'll be available for crucifixion after supper tomorrow. I mean to say, that I really struggle with the idea and to me, right now, it seems wrong. I've heard good arguments on both sides. Some men and women I really admire and respect voted for this, and some against. I don't know what to think, and I think I've said that before. I'm serious when I say it's kept me up at nights. Most of the folks at Seabury side with the majority and support Robinson's consecration. I feel constrained there, like I cannot speak my mind. I don't want to hurt the feelings of my classmates, but I cannot betray my own beliefs. Anyway, something tells me there was something else going on with that priest in NH though, otherwise the grounds for the defrocking are so shaky it makes me really nervous.

Three: Tomorrow I go to a protest in Downtown. The protest is being held in opposition to the wall being constructed by the Israeli government in the Occupied Palestinian Territories. This is a matter close to my heart, and I cannot help but watch what Israel, as a nation-state, keeps doing without wanting to cry out: STOP! DON'T YOU SEE? YOU CANNOT SOLVE THIS ALONE! YOU CANNOT SOLVE THIS WITH GUNS OR WALLS! Those who practice terrorism on the Palestinian side are no better. To say that there are those on both sides who just pray for a cessation to the violence does not do adequate justice to the disenfranchised, unheard Palestinaians who also pray for a home, a job, safety from 'Hellfire' missile attacks, and the health of their loved ones. As author Bruce Feiler said the other night at a lecture, "Walls never solved anything. I would not want to be the person assigned to write the book: Successful Walls in History." For more on my feelings on this issue see my column of 10/21/02. My uncertainty lies not only in the future of my Palestinian and Israeli brothers and sisters, but in my very immediate future. I've never participated in an act of civil disobedience before. Will I have to go to jail? What will happen? What effect will the demonstration have? Will there be those who show up to demonstrate against the demonstrators? Will there be violence? I certainly hope not, because that's what we're protesting against, on the whole!!! Perhaps I'm making too much of this. In one regard it matters not, as I am a pacifist. On the other hand, my level of uncertainty rises as the time draws nearer. Until then,

-R

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